[Pics above is exactly 1 years different]
Weight its something we will al struggle with my personal battle with weight has effected me both physically and mentally throughout the years, but without those struggles I wouldn’t be who I am today, and who I am today is the person I am most proud of.
From an early age I was always chubby what can I say I loved my food (don’t know why I say loved because I still do). We all know the school years are the worst for bullying and now I think back I am suprised I never really got called names. I was happy with who I was so that’s all that matters. During my teenage years is when it all changed, I was watching programs with slim girls questioning my own self worth, falling in the thought process Why am I not good enough? Why can’t I be like that? What was wrong with me ?? I began loosing weight to try impress people I started slow but the more I lost it became an addiction.
My addiction to losing weight I thought was healthy my body thought otherwise. I would be calorie counting and even worse, howether many calories I would have consumed is how many I would burn off straight after. I would skip meals at school, skip meals at home throwing them away. I look back at pictures as to how I used to be and cringe but I’m proud of how far I’ve come since. The moment it hit me that I’d gone too far with my eating, I may as well call it starvation,was the moment when my mum asked me when my last period was and I couldnt remember at that point it would have been a good 4 months, and I was someone to have them on the regular, something must have been up.
Mum booked me a doctors appointment to check my weight, I was shaking i was always a strong girl who was comfortable in her own body but I felt weak, physically and mentally drained from calorie counting, I wouldn’t go to any meals out with my mates cause it got to the stage where I was so uncomfortable with myself I didn’t want to show anyone who I had become.
After a few months I was starting to get back on track focusing on myself and only myself, I was so insecure that I wouldn’t listen to anyone else. One day I decided to speak out to my friends and I’m glad I did as soon after drama happened between myself and let’s not name names so I’ll say “him”. I was just minding my own business in PE, then “HE” made a joke but at the time it was not a joke, I’ll explain it in a simple way; he implied I was fat. I sat there in silence trying to hold in not even tears but anger. I just walked out, my best friend followed me and apparently had a go at him. I wish at the time I had the confidence as I do now to speak up and say what’s what but I was too fragile.
As I moved up to sixth form this was a fresh start for me a chance for me to be who I want to be, over the summer before I steadily started to be more allowing to what I ate, don’t get me wrong it was hard I’d eat a biscuit my brain would be telling me to burn it off, it was a constant battle but one that had to be done!I finally got back to a place that I was happy with, I was happy in myself and the people I had around me were supportive. I had a slight slip when I was going through a breakup where I was so angry and hurt I wouldn’t eat as it made me feel sick, but that was me thinking something was wrong with me, its like I was trying to become someone who I wasn’t. I now know my worth, don’t let anyone put you down ladies and gentlemen.
To this day I still get comments on my wight about how “skinny” I am.I’m not skinny I’m fit and I’m comfortable in myself, I now have a healthy balanced diet and exersice. I still have days that I feel like I can easily slip back to how I used to be but I remind myself as to how unhappy I was in that mindset and I have to overcome that torment of my mind.
Last week at the chalk pits.
If you are going through body confidence issues please do not hesitate to message me I am always here, I know how hard it is and I wish I had the help when I needed it most. I am now so passionate about body positivity it breaks my heart when I see people struggling especially people close to me. Always remember to surround yourself with people that support you 24/7 then you really will be living your best life.
Thank you x